Treasure every moment

I’m slightly melancholy at the moment. Anna and I are preparing to go abroad for a couple of days. Little Helen, meanwhile, will stay at home in the care of her grandmothers (Anna’s mum will have her for a day and my mother will have her for a day also. It’s not ideal but that’s the way it’s worked out).

Why the melancholy? Well, this will be the longest we’ve ever been away from Helen and I know I’m going to miss her massively. I’m also going to worry about her; will the grannies remember to apply Helen’s eczema cream? Will they at least feed her a little fruit? Will they remember to keep the stair gates closed?

Looking at it from another perspective, we’re actually very lucky. Helen’s got to an age where we have gained a little independence and can consider going away for a couple of days. It’s also something that isn’t going to happen often so we should make the most of it.

We actually went away to the same place exactly a year ago and on that occasion took Helen with us. She’s grown up so much in that short space of time.

When I think back a year, Helen could not speak or crawl and had only been eating solids for a couple of months. A year later she has a vocabulary of about 100 words, can run as well as walk, eats like a horse and can partially dress herself without assistance.

We’ve also been introducing Helen to the potty. Anna feels a little sad about this. She says nappies are the only remnants of Helen’s days as a baby and she’s sorry those days are all but passed.

The day Helen was born I cracked a very bad joke that she’ll soon be taking her driving test. It was a bad joke, but it was also accurate!

I clearly remember the day my younger (half) brother passed his driving test. He came home and took me and our other brother out for a spin in the Volkswagen Golf that was his first car.

I remember the occasion so vividly because of the look on my stepdad’s face when he saw his eldest son drive off for the first time. It was a very poignant moment; “Where did all those years go?” said his expression.

It’s a cliché, but Helen really is growing up so quickly. Anna and I must treasure every moment.

The world is not against me

When I wrote my first blog entry, I thought the world was going to be against me giving up full time work and becoming a stay at home father. A month down the line I can honestly say my opinion has changed.

It’s been fascinating talking to friends and strangers about my situation and hearing what they think about it. It’s perhaps not surprising that every woman I have spoken to has been very supportive of the decision Anna and I have taken.

What has genuinely surprised me, however, has been the reaction of the men. I’ve not heard a single negative comment or been made the butt of a single joke, quite the reverse in fact. All the men I’ve spoken to have totally understood and some have even expressed an interest in following in my footsteps.

That said, one of the most supportive men I spoke to also admitted he could never become the primary carer for his own children. He agreed the course of action Anna and I are taking makes absolute sense for us, especially economically, but confided that if he became his children’s full-time carer they would drive him to distraction and he would “kill them”! In a bizarre way I actually admire him for his honesty, children are without doubt very hard work.

For the record, he was joking about killing his children. Please don’t call Social Services, it would result in an unnecessary and ugly scene, but back to the matter in hand.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the world is obviously more advanced and liberal than I gave it credit for. There might not be many men in my situation, but we aren’t considered social pariahs at all.

I think the real test, however, will come in a couple of weeks when the transition actually takes place and Helen’s nursery hours are cut (oh yes, it’s all been formally agreed). Will the stay at home mothers accept me? Will I get invited to their coffee mornings and the like? I think their response will be fascinating.

Truth be told, if I get invited to some kind of mothers’ coffee morning I think I’ll run a mile in the opposite direction!  

I've been given power and authority

Ahoy me heartees. How have you all been over the past couple of weeks? I seem to have been very busy but don’t have a great deal to show for it, apart from my significant news.

I eluded to this a couple of entries ago. I can confirm that I have been offered a job in the Greater London area with hours that suit my aspirations to spend more time at home with the little one.

This is superb news for me personally and also for the Daddy Cool family. I should, however, add that this blog is about parenting and my experiences as a stay at home father and so I’m not going to go into detail about my work now or in the future.

I am also counting down the days until I leave my present job (thankfully there are only days to go). There’s no hiding it, I’m getting demob happy.

On the parenting front, I have just been appointed one of the Parent Representatives at Helen’s nursery. It’s a bit like being a School Governor, in that I will get to attend quarterly meetings to discuss how the nursery runs, what I think about the service it provides, express concerns, compliment successes and so on.

I’m very happy about this. While I know I won’t have the influence of a School Governor, I will have a greater say over Helen’s childcare and both Anna (and my mother-in-law) are impressed. The other thing to add is that I couldn’t have considered this if I remained in full time employment because making the commitment to attend the meetings would have been so difficult.

I have also made a bet with myself that I will be the only male representative. I'll be attending my first meeting in a couple of months time so I'll let you know afterwards!

Until the next time. . .